How Isy Suttie spends ANYDAY

What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
I hear one of the kids (Beti who’s seven and Steffan, three) shouting: ‘Mummy!’ Our son normally wakes us, so I get up, throw a pair of tracksuit bottoms on and then run to his room. 

Don’t pretend you don’t check your phone. What’s your most used emoji? Who did you last Whatsapp and what did you say?
The emoji that looks like you’ve just received bad news, but you’re going to do your best to get through it. One eyebrow is really high up and the other is low down, like it’s had some botched Botox. My last Whatsapp is so boring, sent to the childminder at 9.23am saying: ‘He’s not drunk anything this morning xx.’

Describe the style of your home in five words
I want to say stylish and minimalist, but the truth is chaotic, bright, loving, Victorian and crafty.

What does an average day at home look like for you?
It depends if I have the kids or not. So yesterday I decided to do a movie afternoon, drew the curtains and made them popcorn. I put The Lion King on, then everything slowly unravelled. My son wanted to play hide and seek behind the curtains and my daughter couldn’t hear the telly above the noise. Then my Wi-Fi box was broken, so I had to tether the TV to my phone and if it moved The Lion King stopped. And then the kids started to fight. But it was also an afternoon full of us singing, sharing strawberries and having fun.

If the kids aren’t there, I normally try and start work quite early because I can get easily distracted by putting a wash on and tidying up. At the moment, I’m writing new material for my tour and I’m feeling a healthy sense of anxiety. I’m excited because I’ve got a lot to put in, but by lunchtime my creative brain isn’t as sharp as it is first thing in the morning. I write at the dining room table, which is often covered with drawings, glitter and Sellotape.

What’s most often for lunch?
Hard-boiled egg on toast, chopped with butter and mayo, with a bit of avocado on the side. I can’t imagine having boiled egg without mayo.

What’s the weirdest thing we’d find in your kitchen?
A massive toy duck with a zip on its back, which has six baby ducks inside. My son carries it round everywhere. That’s next to the fruit bowl. I got into cooking during the pandemic and I’m a lot more confident now. I do really enjoy cooking, but the kids are quite fussy and I know some parents believe you have to make them eat what you’re having. But because we didn’t do that it seems too cruel to now say: ‘You must eat this kipper smoked in milk’.

Can we wear shoes in your house?
No, which doesn’t seem to tally with everything I’ve said, but we’re about to move and it’s unfair on the buyers if we leave mud marks. I’m sure they’ll rip out these carpets because they’ve seen all sorts.

What would you save if your house was on fire?
Apart from human beings, I’ve got this framed poster on the wall from The Aberdeen Artists Society with very bright fluorescent circles that all interlink, a bit like Venn diagrams. I bought a print of it in 2003 and lost it, but I when got together with my partner [comedian and actor Elis James] he rang them and got a copy of it sent down and had it framed. That’s the most romantic thing he’s ever done for me.

Do you have pictures of yourself in your house?
Not at all. We’re very bad at taking photos and we’re even worse at getting them framed. I find all that stuff a bit cheesy. My parents never had family photos up, they just had paintings of ships. But I do have my trophies from Pointless and Richard Osman’s House of Games on the shelf.

Got any subscriptions?
Netflix, Disney Plus and The New Statesman. I’ve also got a veg box and I’m about to do Milk & More, but I get too confused about what to add on. I just want an old-fashioned milkman, waving merrily.

Where’s your happy place?
Skiing. That’s the only time I feel fully relaxed and complete. I haven’t been since Beti was a baby and she’s now seven, but I think about it all the time. 

Can you keep a plant alive?
No. Adrian Chiles gave Elis a chilli at Christmas and that died. I’m sorry Adrian, if you’re reading this. Actually, Tim Key gave me a plant for my birthday and it’s still alive, but it’s one of those ones that doesn’t need much looking after.

What’s on your bed? And on your bedside table?
I’ve got a very bright blanket on the bed. We’ve got moths – and if the new buyers are reading this, I’m sure well be taking them with us to the new house – but they haven’t eaten it. We’ve also got a blue and white duvet, from John Lewis actually.

On the bedside table is a hair bobble and so many books. I’m always reading four at a time. What’s there at the moment? Tim Key’s He Used Thought as a Wife, which is brilliant, The Consequences of Love by Gavanndra Hodge, which is a great memoir, and books that Elis is reading like John Cooper Clarke’s I Wanna Be Yours.

Isy Suttie will be touring the UK with Jackpot from August: www.isysuttie.co.uk.

Photos: Matt Crockett